2014 the year of change. The year I blew everyone's mind. Even my own. 2014 the year I realized that few people actually live, most are just trying to survive, and I for one was tired of survival mode. 2014 the year I decided that it was up to me to write my own story, and I was going to write the best damn story imaginable. I stopped pretending and started being honest. I realized that against all odds I still believe in love and I still believe in happy endings! I decided that some days it's okay to put away my adult cynicism and believe in childhood magic. I was reminded that music heals, actions speak louder than words, and that I am worth it, which I proved! I learned that I love myself with or without people's approval. I decided to be proud of my whole story, because it made me who I am, and I'm finally okay with that!
So bring on 2015, the year I will read wonderful books, sing loud, and dance like a crazy person every chance I get. 2015 the year I will truly believe that the best is yet to come. I will pray hard, love harder, and rejoice in all things. I will remind myself everyday that no matter what happens life is still wonderful. 2015 the year I will be kissed everyday by someone who thinks I am wonderful (even if that's only Cam and Colbs). I will surprise myself and do things that are out of my comfort zone. I will be bold and honest and tell people how I feel. I will be happy, because I know that happy is the best kind of beautiful! I have no idea what the next year has in store for me, but I'm Ready to start writing my own Fairy Tale!! So, here's to 2015, a year that will be filled with the best kind of madness.
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Sunday, October 5, 2014
The Show is Over - Say Goodbye
It's no secret to anyone that knows me. I write! Not always very well, and not always with the best grammar, but I do indeed write. Ernest Hemingway once said that we should write hard and clear about what hurts, so that's what I am going to attempt to do.
When you are 15/16 years old you don't really think about what is going to happen in the next 17-20 years. I mean you plan for college, you figure you'll settle down, buy a house, have a few kids, but you only plan for big picture "stuff". No one considers how they will feel in 17 years. No one takes into consideration that there will be hard battles fraught with peril, nor do they realize how those battles will change them in ways they never imagined possible. You don't consider that one day you will look in the mirror, have no idea who that person is, and wonder when and where you go lost. You know that the good will come with the bad, and while you pray that the good out weighs the bad, you don't think about what you will do when it doesn't.
The title of this blog was oh so purposeful. I listened to Madonna (more than I care to admit) in Jr High and HS. In 1994 she released Take a Bow. When words fail, lyrics speak, and right now this song is perfect! Our show, as everyone has gathered (or is starting to gather) from the recent Facebook posts, is most certainly over. I won't go into details, because those really don't matter, and quit frankly are no ones business. The short version of a really long story (17 years in the making) is that Rob and I have put on a show. A very good one in fact. Was everything a lie, of course not, but the illusion of complete happiness portrayed on social media was less than truthful. We were very good at posting our highlight reel. It's a blessing and a curse to have known someone for so long. To have grown up with them and watched them grown up. Neither of us thought our story would end this way but any other solution just wasn't in the cards.
Do we know there will be gossip, yes. Do we know we will be harshly judged, yes. Do we know exactly what legalistic religious doctrine says about divorce, absolutely. However, we can not deny the amount of prayer that has gone into, and ultimately, lead us to this decision. Nor can we ignore the pastoral counsel we have sought that has confirmed the choice we are making. I also can not turn back from the peacefulness that has overcome my house or my family. The mighty grace of God has been more than sufficient for all of us in this time. Do I condone divorce, NO! Would I encourage anyone to take this path, no, because it is hard no matter how amicable it is. Everyone's story is different, and until you have lived what others have lived, you honestly don't get an opinion.
The show is indeed over, we are indeed saying goodbye, and we are in fact bowing out, but only to our marriage. We now start on a new journey. A journey to be united as parents, to show grace to each other, and to do the best darn job we can for our kids. We will forever be connected as Cam and Colbs' mom and dad. We have a history that no one could ever understand. We are on a mission to be the best we can be, and even though that means we are no longer a couple, we will never stop being a team! We ask for respect from those around us. Please be kind, because you do not know our story, and you do not know the battles we have fought.
All the world is a stage, And everyone has their part, But how was I to know which way the story'd go....Take a bow the night is over...say Goodbye.
When you are 15/16 years old you don't really think about what is going to happen in the next 17-20 years. I mean you plan for college, you figure you'll settle down, buy a house, have a few kids, but you only plan for big picture "stuff". No one considers how they will feel in 17 years. No one takes into consideration that there will be hard battles fraught with peril, nor do they realize how those battles will change them in ways they never imagined possible. You don't consider that one day you will look in the mirror, have no idea who that person is, and wonder when and where you go lost. You know that the good will come with the bad, and while you pray that the good out weighs the bad, you don't think about what you will do when it doesn't.
The title of this blog was oh so purposeful. I listened to Madonna (more than I care to admit) in Jr High and HS. In 1994 she released Take a Bow. When words fail, lyrics speak, and right now this song is perfect! Our show, as everyone has gathered (or is starting to gather) from the recent Facebook posts, is most certainly over. I won't go into details, because those really don't matter, and quit frankly are no ones business. The short version of a really long story (17 years in the making) is that Rob and I have put on a show. A very good one in fact. Was everything a lie, of course not, but the illusion of complete happiness portrayed on social media was less than truthful. We were very good at posting our highlight reel. It's a blessing and a curse to have known someone for so long. To have grown up with them and watched them grown up. Neither of us thought our story would end this way but any other solution just wasn't in the cards.
Do we know there will be gossip, yes. Do we know we will be harshly judged, yes. Do we know exactly what legalistic religious doctrine says about divorce, absolutely. However, we can not deny the amount of prayer that has gone into, and ultimately, lead us to this decision. Nor can we ignore the pastoral counsel we have sought that has confirmed the choice we are making. I also can not turn back from the peacefulness that has overcome my house or my family. The mighty grace of God has been more than sufficient for all of us in this time. Do I condone divorce, NO! Would I encourage anyone to take this path, no, because it is hard no matter how amicable it is. Everyone's story is different, and until you have lived what others have lived, you honestly don't get an opinion.
The show is indeed over, we are indeed saying goodbye, and we are in fact bowing out, but only to our marriage. We now start on a new journey. A journey to be united as parents, to show grace to each other, and to do the best darn job we can for our kids. We will forever be connected as Cam and Colbs' mom and dad. We have a history that no one could ever understand. We are on a mission to be the best we can be, and even though that means we are no longer a couple, we will never stop being a team! We ask for respect from those around us. Please be kind, because you do not know our story, and you do not know the battles we have fought.
All the world is a stage, And everyone has their part, But how was I to know which way the story'd go....Take a bow the night is over...say Goodbye.
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