Love:: I Still Believe in You!

It's been almost 9 months since I completely imploded my world. One would think that I would be treading water in an ocean of chaos, and drowning in an abyss of unknown, but incredibly I've never been able to swim this freely in my whole life. That's not to say that I have everything figured out. God knows that I am generally just making the moves up as I go. It's incredible what you can learn about yourself in such a short time. When you start doing what makes you happy, and being around people that make you smile, you start to realize not only who you are, but also exactly who you never want to to be again. I have spent the last few months learning how it looks to be loved by others and how to truly love others in return. I have poured over scripture and Pinterest quotes (just trying to keep it real) and have come up with some pretty profound notions, Not just about romantic love but love in general and I felt it necessary to share my findings.

Disclaimer:: Due to Pinterest Quote Influence (and possible obsession) I can not guarantee that these are all original thoughts. :-)

Love Does Not Equal Fear: 1 John 4:18 says, There is no Fear in Love. Perfect love drives out fear. When you love and are loved there should be total comfort.  No pressure to be someone you aren't, no need to weigh your words or over think what you are doing. There are no awkward moments, because it's okay to be weird, and sometimes a little crazy. You can be yourself and not think twice because you have no reason to hide. There is no oppression or expectation for you to be anything other than exactly who you are. Manipulation and humiliation are not love and therefore have no place in any of your relationships.  The most beautiful thing in the world is to be able to love someone and to also be completely free at the same time. 

Loving Someone Will NOT Complete You: - Jerry McGuire makes me insane.  The notion that you have to find a missing part of your soul is crazy. We are not called to find others to complete us, because two incomplete people can never come together to create a whole person. We have to learn to be so in love with ourselves, so happy with who we are, that being loved by someone else and giving love in return, is just a bonus in our already fulfilled lives. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that we should never look for love or people to share our lives with!  It's nice to have others be there to kiss our wounds, pick us up, dust us off, and love us even when we aren't very lovable, but we can't expect them to be our happiness. They will fail every time and leave us feeling even more incomplete than before! 

Loving Someone Should Balance You - There is a difference between looking for friendships or relationships that complete you and knowing that you need balance. You can't expect to be exactly alike! You have to see everyone for who they are and while you appreciate the similarities you also have to celebrate the differences. For instance, since I see details I need people in my life that see big pictures.  I like to get things done, say what needs to be said, and sometimes take things up to 11, I need people who will say, "hey, let's stop and think".  I need people that keep me grounded when I want to soar into a tirade, and remind me to breath when I have allowed the fierce and fiery side to take control.  Most strong relationships rarely has two strong people at the same time. You have take turns being strong you have to balance each other out. 

Love can be Quiet - I think a lot of people expect love to always be this dashing thing, this relentless adventure, a constant eruption of emotion. Of course it can be and that's okay, it's most exciting when it is, but what happens when all that is gone?  Everything that exists after "being in love" wears off is what love truly is.  The part that brings peace to your mind, that quiets your soul and yet awakens it in ways you never expected, that's love. There should be periods of silence, where space is shared, but words need not be spoken, because you just understand each other. You trust without thinking, because you aren't afraid to believe in the person sitting beside you. You can just be still in their presence and know everything is going to be okay. 

Love, Desire, and Attachment Are NOT The Same Thing - Just because someone has a desire to be with you does not mean that they truly love you or value you. Desire is about coveting, about possession, about wanting to have something.  Once you have what you desire it is easy to place it on a shelf and never look at it the same again. Especially, because people desire things that are pretty, and perfect, and unbroken, but once they realize they have not found that in you they find it easy to walk away. Attachment is about fear and dependency. When you find yourself attached to something it has more to do with loving yourself as opposed to loving that person. You have become comfortable and fear losing what you have even though you aren't truly loving them. Desire and Attachment are all about filling a void, and taking what is in someone else, and trying to use it to make your world better.  Love without attachment is the most incredible thing, because it's all about what you can give because you are full, not what others can give to make you feel whole. 

Of course this is just a brief synopsis of what I have been shown over the last few months, I am so appreciative of all the people in my life that have helped me to see what actual love really looks like. I think after our hearts have been broken and tormented we have to make a choice.  Do we allow ourselves to believe that love doesn't exist, and isn't obtainable, or do we find people who are worth the risk??