When No doesn't ALWAYS Mean NO!!

My news feed is filled right now with people who are denouncing Rape Culture. It's also filled with people who are angry at men who have no respect for women. If you know me you know that I seldom, if ever, engage in political arguments. In my opinion it is an exercise in futility and I have much better things to do. However, I do want to speak to all the women out there that are angry about Bill Clinton, and Donald Trump, and any other man who thinks that a women is their play toy.

Please note that I am NOT victim blaming or shaming. There is nothing that you can do, say, or wear that excuses a man from touching you without your full consent (inside OR outside of a relationship). However, Women WE MUST stop sending men mixed signals in our everyday lives. If no means no before/during/and after sex, then NO has to mean NO in all other aspects of our relationships. Here's what I mean...

Man: Do you want a gift for your birthday/Christmas?
Woman: No. You don't have to get me anything.
What you actually mean is for him to try harder, to know that you really do want something, and surprise you. Then when he doesn't, because he thought No meant no, you get mad!

Man: What's wrong? Do you want to talk?
Woman: Nothing, No I'm Fine.

What you actually mean is that you want him to work harder, read your mind, and figure it out on his own. Then when he doesn't, because he thought no meant no, you get mad.

Man: Do you want me to come with you?
Woman: No, it's fine. You can stay here.

What you mean is that you want him to want to come, but want him to know that, and to come on his own. Then when he doesn't come, because he thought no meant no, you get mad.

Man: Do you want to go out with me this weekend

Woman: No, I don't think so
What you mean is that you want him to prove that he really is into you. You want him to plan it all, and sweep you off your feet, or at the very least keep trying, because you don't want to seem too available. Yet, again, anger ensues when he took your no for a no and made plans with his buddies.

Man: Do you want to fool around/have sex/take off your clothes?
Woman: NO

What you really mean is NO, but what we have trained men to think is that NO means try harder. No means if I don't do this she will actually get mad. On the other hand there are a hand full of women who say no and actually do mean yes. You can see where the confusion sets in. If we take the consent as explained by tea video into account it's like you saying no you don't want tea and then getting ticked because no one made you tea! You said you didn't WANT the tea!!!

I assure you that my son is going to grow up making A LOT of girls mad, because I will always teach him that NO means no, that it applies to everything, and that if a girl want him to try harder she can stop sending him mixed signals. On the other hand I will teach my daughter that her no is always no and that if she means something else she better say it.

Again, if you have been raped or assaulted, inside of a relationship, or by a total stranger, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! But we must start meaning what we say and saying what we mean. Does that mean that sexual assault and rape will stop. NO! There will always be men (and woman for that matter) who are sick and won't take no for an answer, but it will help with blurred line. It will go a long way in empowering females and it takes away one of the main victim blaming arguments!

Plus it will make all of your relationships so much easier and I promise your Significant Other will appreciate it!