The story of the Ugly Duckling, a story told only to people who are currently in that particular situation, was one that I heard a few times when I was growing up. I have met several new people this year and even those I have known for a couple years seem to have this idea that I have always been pretty, but I assure you, that has not been the case. As a baby I was pretty standard. I was a cutie with lots of blond hair and chubby cheeks. However, as I got older I got awkward. I began to hear more about how smart I was, how great of a friend I was, how AWESOME my personality was, how cute I was. I heard every other adjective available but, never pretty, gorgeous, lovely, or beautiful. I admit, I do not blame people for not finding it necessary to lie to me. I donned an amazing curly mullet, my nose was about 2 sizes too big for my face, I have slightly larger ears than most, and I'm pretty sure that my mom had to beat me into a dress on Sunday Mornings. My sister and I were quintessential tom boys. We grew up in the country, riding our big wheels down to the creek, playing in the fields, climbing fences, and roaming bare foot along the turn rows. There was no place for fashion, long locks of blond hair, or pig tails. I was also a child with a slight attitude, and a goofy spirit. Therefore, 9 times out of 10 I had a strange snarl, or bizarre smile on my face! I was between 5 and 7 when these picture were taken.
At age 6 was when I first realized that appearances were something I might need to worry about. At 6 years old I had a 3-wheeler accident with my PaPaw. My sister was on the 3-wheeler too, but she was behind my grandfather. I'm certain I had thrown a fit to get to ride closest to the handle bars. We ran through a barbed wire fence, and I ended up with a lot of stitches, a crooked smile, and a 2 inch scar on the side of my mouth. In the months following the accident I heard lots of apologies about my face, and my scar, and over heard lots of questions about how it would look when I was older. Year after year we had the same conversations about the accident, and how well my scar would be covered when I wore makeup. 24 years later I'm completely okay with it. I have actually gained a fondness for that particular imperfection, but as a child I worried about it.
As I got older, I continued to look more and more awkward. My hair got longer, but my nose did not get smaller, and my teeth got far more crooked than should be allowed. By the time I was about 11 it was not a good situation. We had added glasses to the mix, and I was now obsessed with basketball and other sports. I wore a pony tail, tee shirt, and athletic shorts all the time. I realize my cake says 14, but that was by B-ball number! :0)
By 12 things were not looking up. I was now in contacts, but the nose, ears, and teeth were still VERY overwhelming! I was in that 6th grade, and while I didn't struggle making friends, being invited places, or having a boyfriend, I did struggle with how I felt about me. People started noticing my nose and nicknames such a Gonzo and Snuffleupagus were rampant, relentless, and didn't stop for 3 years. Of course, it was all of my friends and teammates who were calling me these names, and since I wanted to keep them, I laughed and played along. This was the year the I perfected smiling when I wanted to cry, and answering everything with no I'm fine, it's funny! Which is still a strategy I use at 30.
At 15 things were a bit better. I was wearing makeup, had braces, and actually dressed up now and again, I knew how to do my own hair and started growing out my bangs. I was still a straight up, female, (non lesbian) jock. We were constantly on the court or in the weight room. I had a few boyfriends, but by that time I had pretty much established myself as "one of the guys" so that really wasn't a big priority for me. At that point it became less about my face, and more the look of my body, that made me cringe. I was 5'8 and about 115 lbs. For perspective, right now I am the same height and weigh about 145. I would have drop 30 lbs to be HS skinny again! NO THANK YOU!
I had spent my junior year talking to my parents about plastic surgery, which they agreed to, and spent the summer before my senior year recovering from my nose job. Yes, my parents let me get my nose fixed. A decision I have never regretted, and never looked back on. It was truly a turning point in my life.
By college I was feeling better and better about myself, by the time I got married I was starting to feel pretty, and today I can honestly say I Like Me!! What's interesting is that with each passing year I have found that being an Ugly Duckling has made my life, as an adult, more productive. I'm glad that I can appreciate what I look like now. I'm glad that when people tell me I'm pretty, I am genuinely surprised, because I don't think about myself in that context. I love that I don't wake up in the morning and take it for granted. I know that beauty is fleeting. The best part is that I didn't have beauty to work in my favor as I was going up, so I was able to develop other skills. I developed a friendly personality that has never been fake. I learned about honesty, and refuse to be deceptive. I found integrity, and a work ethic, and learned how to carry myself so that I wasn't overlooked. I love looking at the girls I work with and seeing myself. I can't keep from thinking. "Just hold on sweet girl. just wait, because in 10 years you'll be a knockout!!
I actually worry about my daughter. Literally, once a day a stranger walks up to her, and tells her how pretty she is. Don't get me wrong I am beyond blessed to have children that are adorable. I love that Cam is being built up as a child, so that she has confidence to face the challenges as she gets older. Although, I would be lying if I said that I hope she never has to experience a taste of what it's like to be awkward. I want her to be real, I want her to have friends because she has a personality, I want her to wake up at 28 or 30, look in the mirror, and say, "There you are! So...you must be the girl that's been hiding inside."
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