Confessions of a Broken Heart

I'm not sure that anything in this world is worse than losing someone we love.  You see I have this theory about loss.  It goes something like this....When God created the world (and us) he created us to be forever beings.  He didn't create us to lose those we love or to ever die.  That wasn't his original purpose.  It wasn't until sin entered the world that death also came into play.  That's why I think it is so hard for us mentally when someone passes.  We weren't meant to say goodbye, it's not in our nature. 

As a parent I can't imagine ever losing a child, regardless of age, it just isn't natural.  I think it's just as hard when you lose someone and you don't know if they could have been saved.  If you could have done more or said more.  You start to analyze every word you ever said, wondering if you would have just said ONE more thing, THE RIGHT THING, you could have made a difference.  Of course I know that everything happens for a reason and that ultimately no fault can be assigned, but some days believing that, is harder than others. 

It's officially been 730 days.  I count days, because that is how often I think of you, and some days I count the minutes, because your memory is just that strong. I didn't realize at the time that I should be memorizing your face, your words, memorizing all the things that made you...you. Deep down inside I knew the end was near, but I couldn't make myself believe it.  I wanted there to be one more time, one more call, one more chance for me to make it okay.  I wanted to pretend that there was plenty of time for new memories. More weekends of fun, and laughter, crazy jokes, and south park impressions, but all too soon the times we took for granted were just cherished memories.

Your call never came, yet my phone rang none the less

 I remember the day, I remember the call

I remember the moment that changed it all

My tears wouldn't come

At least not at first 

My heart wasn't ready at accept the very worst

 

My heart aches each September

and I struggle with regret

The last words that were spoken I'll always remember

and that last call I'll never forget

 

My mind and your memory always bring me back

and remind me that your spirit's free

Living in joy and peace and forever that's where you'll be

 

In Loving Memory of Aaron Isaac Bradley Peel. Our hearts will never be the same!